its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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