rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The power of my boobs compel you
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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