there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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