people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
