honey bunches of taint.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
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He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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