Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
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My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
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You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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