I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Still dying that you shit outside
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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