At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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