His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
