ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
