Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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