Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
