Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
