I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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