then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
