Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I CAN MOONWALK!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
