oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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