I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
