I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is Oprah even human
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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