Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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