Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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