Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
