im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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