need another drink. this is the easiest way
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
