I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
