I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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