O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
