Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
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I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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