So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your penis caused this!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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