We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
