so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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