I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
