he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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