fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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