why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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