nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
