i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
