I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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