You just made me feel so damn special
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
