The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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