She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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