I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
