Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
