Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
