somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
