He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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