you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize