Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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