he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
