Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
