were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
