So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes