My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
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We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.