Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.