then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard