After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?