Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
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There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
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I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub