Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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