ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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