Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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