I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You made out with two different species that night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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