Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
