The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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