ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
