His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
