last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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