I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
