My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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