the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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