shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
did i walk over a car last night?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
