He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
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i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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