At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
